Time Bomb

You are really only a puff of smoke, a mist that is visible for a little while and then disappears into thin air

ΙΑΚΩΒΟΥ 4:14

你 们 原 来 是 一 片 云 雾 ， 出 现 少 时 就 不 见 了

雅 各 書 4:14

Ricky died last night after a coma. Doctor said that his blood vein burst in his brain...because his was too thin. He was 21 years young...

Sigh...

I reflected on my friend's breaking news for a while....

I suddenly remembered the words of wisdom revealed to me a long time back...

"We are all living on a borrowed time...We never know when we have to payback..."

My colleague joked when we had dinner together. He said, "吃一顿，少一顿"(lit:eat one meal, less one meal). I paused for a while and said, "过一天，少一天"(lit:pass one day, less one day). He said, "That is very true"...

When I drove him back to his hotel, I told him, "What if I propose a toast in a birthday party...shouting "过一年，少一年"(lit:pass one year, less one year)? That would be cool". He said, "The birthday man would throw you out of his party..."

Yet, is it not very true? The longer we live, the nearer we are to death...

Do we all realize that we have a time bomb implanted in our bodies? We just never know when it is going to explode.

In the case of that 21 year young boy, the bomb was in the form of very thin blood vein in his brain and it exploded recently.

What is your bomb? Cancer?Stroke?Heart attack? You will never know, let alone when it will explode...

Are we supposed to be paralyzed with fear then? Are we supposed to be frantically searching for the bomb and remove it?

Indeed there are time bombs in our lives that we know we should remove...but not this particular one though...

This time bomb, we ought to accept and even embrace...knowing that the nature of life is so fleeting...so transient...

We count our days...not years. We take action now...not next year. Screw the New Year's resolution...that is only the devil's plot of trying to keep you in inaction...Why do we wait for a certain day to do something special? Everyday is indeed special for something special...

Even when you can breathe easily today...that is special...

Knowing that hundreds of people hide and hold their breath whenever the missiles hit their villages in Afghanistan...

Knowing that today you might slid into coma suddenly, just like Ricky...

We cannot really choose how we die...but we can choose how we live. Hopefully in the process of choosing a better life...we have a better death...

Now what is a better death? It is while dying...you are seeking "Life"...

I am the Resurrection and the Life. Anyone who believes in Me will live, even after dying...
--Yeshua Ha'mashiach--

Snippets of Love 1

Boy: I'm sad because you have sore eyes...Is there anything I can do for you?
Girl: Think of me...Think of me fondly...
Boy: That's too easy...That's a given...Anything else?
Girl: I'll find out...so you owe me one...

---

Mother's Love 母爱

游子吟

慈母手中线
游子身上衣
临行密密缝
意恐迟迟归
谁言寸草心
报得三春晖

孟郊

Never in my life would I expect to recite one of the famous 300 poems of Tang Dynasty...

Never in my mind would I think...not even the slightest idea...that I would agree to learn about it...

Only because the person asking me to go through this arduous journey...is the woman with whom I am willing to go through an even more arduous one...

Those of you who do not read Chinese..like I do...just try to understand my free translation:

A Traveler's Rhapsody

Out of a thread in the loving mother's hand...
A traveler's robe it was mend...
As tight as it could before sent...
With a heart worried without end...
Longing for her son back to the land...

Who could ever fathom such a love...
Like rays of sunshine that breathe on tiny grass...
Who could ever repay such a love...
The sweetness of Spring it is like...

Poet: Meng Jiao

If you do not agree with my translation...go ahead and recommend a better one...

Nevertheless, I guess for now it is enough for you to get the idea...

For sure my sister does...she just delivered a gorgeous baby girl a few weeks ago and she is enjoying every moment of motherhood...

Sigh...

Unfortunately, not many of us have the luxury of savoring a mother's love...

More terribly still, not many of us would appreciate such a love...

I know today is not mother's day...blame it on the person who made me wrote this...

Yet, we should not just wait for that one moment of a year and forgo the rest...

To express our gratitude with our best...

To my mom and all other worthy mothers in the world...SALUTE!!!

for you...Renita...a future worthy mother...

一刀两断

"...this led me to think...is marriage a place of suffering??? Does a marriage certificate allow a person to treat his spouse with ignorance?..."

That was the heartcry of a woman who glimpsed on the dark side of a "union between a man and a woman"...(the writer does not support any other definition of marriage)

I believe that this is also the cry of countless other hearts...

A prominent pastor once asked his parents about the secret of building a strong marriage...
Their answer : "...that is because we never thought of divorce as an option..."

Sigh...

Isn't that the root cause of many problems in marriage? Just because you're married does that mean you stop loving each other? Wooing each other? Caring for each other? Caressing each other? Whispering sweet nothings to each other?...

What about in the winter days when your woman was caught in the rain and you cancelled all your appointments just to pick and warm her up?...

What about in the summer days when your man was dying of thirst and you showed up with his favourite Gelato and a homemade watermelon juice?...

All these for what? For winning each other's hearts...because you were afraid of losing each other...

Now where have they gone?

All because "...divorce is never an option..." You think that you won't lose each other ANYWAY...

A friend said to me once...Familiarity breeds contempt...and children...
Oh how sad but true it is...

Just wait a minute...does this mean I am advocating "Divorce"? Does this mean everytime a couple has a problem, then the "D" option is put on the table?

Let me ask you...

Who would ever (in his right mind) like to undergo separation?
Try to cut your arms, break your legs, go to dentist and have your wisdom tooth extracted...

If only Earth and Carrot could talk, they would wail each time we wrench the roots out for our stomach...

So why do people still go for it?...

Whether or not Divorce is an option is NEVER the point...
The issue is...maybe they have never been really together?...

Now you ask...how to be really together?...

Fourteen hours of flight from SFO to HKIA could have bored me to death. Thank God for a nice seat beside the emergency exit and two great movies...

I call them "Inflight Inspirations"...

...Listen. All around you are spirits, child. They live in the earth, the water, the sky. If you listen, they will guide you...Listen with your heart...You will understand...
Grandma Willow to Pocahontas when Pocahontas was confused of what to do - Pocahontas

Somewhere in that pad of stuffing is a toy who taught me that life's only worth living if you're being loved by a kid. And I travelled all this way to rescue that toy because I believed him.
Buzz Lightyear to Woody when Woody refused to go back to Andy, knowing that Andy would grow up and discard him anyway - Toy Story 2

If only we continue to listen with our hearts, live for each other, believe each other...

Then the roots of love will grow deeper and stronger...intricately intertwined...binding our hearts till death do us apart...

And when that time comes...Earth and Carrot would smile as we wail...knowing that we know what they feel...

Sigh...

Would I trade You for anything or anyone else?...
Or would You trade me for anything or anyone else?...

Yosemite...

September 27th 2008...on my way to Yosemite National Park, I had encountered the most unexpected event in my life...I got caught for speeding...

California Highway Patrol (CHP): Sir, you know this is 55 miles speed limit area and you were above that...
Me: Yes, I know that...
CHP: May I see your driver's license please?
Me: (taking out my Indonesian driver's license) Here it is, I'm a traveller...
CHP: Do you have your passport with you?
Me: (taking out my passport copy and give it to him)
CHP: So you stay in a hotel?
Me: Yes, I do...
CHP: Ok, I have another call right now and so I'm gonna give you a warning. Promise me that you won't speed again Ok?
Me: I promise (nodding my head seriously and tried to give him a pitiful look)
...

My friends and I had a few "explanations" of why he let me off with a warning...

Maybe because he found out that I was a traveller with a strange looking driver's license...
Maybe because he thought it was not a good idea to send the speeding ticket to a hotel...
Maybe because he got another more important call...no time to process my ticket...
Maybe...and maybe...

Whatever the reason might be...I can't tell you how grateful or relieved I was afterwards...

The roads to and from Glacier Point were winding with sharp turns and two directional. As if that was not enough, there were no fences along them for protecting vehicles from falling over to the deep chasm beside... The bright afternoon sun sometimes blinded me from seeing what was at the front. So if there was a squirrel on my car's path...may it rest in peace... If there was a chasm in front of us...may WE rest in peace...

By grace...I am still alive and writing this blog...

Readers, if you expect me to write a review on Yosemite's beauty...you'd be disappointed (I could only say that it wasn't as beautiful as expected because I came at the wrong season. I'll leave it to the experts for the rest of the reviews)...

The reason why I pick the title is because this trip has given me some thoughts to ponder...

Imagine if I chose to "rebel" and drove out of the way while driving on the winding roads...
Imagine if I chose to drive on the wrong side of the road...or occupy two lanes at the same time...
Imagine if I wasn't stopped by CHP for speeding...

Sometime before this trip, I was contemplating of commiting "suicide"... I wanted to get out of this "life" due to all the dissatisfactions with whatever I had... I wanted to "rebel" instead of following the way before me...

Sometime after this trip, a friend of mine came to me for an advice. She was contemplating of leaving Shanghai for Australia because she had a permanent residence to maintain. Moreover, she did not think that staying in Shanghai was good for her future. Suddenly she got a job interview a few days before leaving Shanghai for good. She was afraid that she would like the job and lose her Australian permanent residency...

I shared with her, "Life is full of twists and turns, just like driving in Yosemite. Don't fight against it, just follow where it leads you..."
She argued, "But why is it so last minute...? Isn't that crazy?"
I said, "Not really. When I drove, I didn't know how many turns I needed to make. I did it based on last second decision, cause I followed the road"
I added, "If the road takes you to unpack your stuff and stay, why not? Why force yourself to plunge into the chasm?"
I am amused to find out that she is still in Shanghai right now with the new job...

Sigh...

So I'm gonna keep on driving on this road called Life...
No speeding this time, unless I am willing to suffer the consequences...
I shall follow the rules, the guideposts, while watching out for other drivers...
Keep on driving...
Keep on seeking...

I am the Way(follow Me)...the Truth(trust Me)...the Life(live in Me)...
Yeshua Ha'Mashiach

If it takes forever...then forever shall it be...

Life... or Death...
Light... or Darkness...
Faith... or Logic...
Wisdom... or Ignorance...

Somebody said... I am trapped in a world of my own... can't get out and complicate myself even more...

Actually that was almost like saying I am autistic...

Maybe...maybe I am...

But, aren't we all trapped in our own worlds? Aren't our souls trapped in our own bodies?

Imagine if we're "not trapped". It is as if there is no gravity force governing the law of physics...

It is as if there is no frame around a painting...
It is as if there is no beach along an ocean...
It is as if there is no topic in a conversation...

So I hope you get the idea...that "being trapped" is indeed necessary...for a purposeful life...

That's it...a purposeful life... And mind you...even our purpose of life "traps" us...

I guess the question is not whether we're trapped or not...but what do we do about it?

Are we going to "do nothing" ? Since the more we try to change things...the more we suffer. Apathy is the name of our friend. Detachment is her sister and Ignorance is bliss...

Are we going to "make do" with whatever that is available in our current trap? That is why we hear slogans like "I live only once, so I make the most out of it..."

Or...

Are we going to "change" our trap? By the way, the idea of "freedom" in most people's minds is not actually free. It just means moving to another trap...

Say we vote option three...which is the hardest of all (assuming that inertia effect is strong in each of us)...how on earth are we gonna do that?

Here is what I have found...

Always choose Life over Death...
Choose Light over Darkness...
Choose Faith over Logic...
Choose Wisdom over Ignorance...

Next question... How long must we do this?...

The answer lies hidden in the plain sight...

And you bet... I will always be trapped within my own world... as we all are...

The simplest idea can be the most complicated one...if we spend enough time to ponder about it...

Life of The Tricycle Drivers

I have almost always met a lot of tricycle (三轮车) drivers on the exit of the subway station every time I go home. Their tireless merchant calls are always the same: "Come friend, where do you want to go?" (来朋友，想去哪里?)...

They serve commuters who need to otherwise walk for about 15-20 minutes from the station to their home. Since I live less than 5 minutes away from the station (on foot)...I never have the slightest idea of utilizing the service which is about three RMB per ride (1 USD = 6.99RMB at the time of writing). Oh by the way, four RMB if it was raining...

To say that these people are very tenacious is an understatement. They work until the last train is gone...which is over 11pm. Granted that I am not acquainted with their "office hours" hence I do not know when they start. Nonetheless, being there for three RMB, sometimes in the rain, through countless of rejections, not to mention the police chase (because it is illegal) and competition from cabs...(Cab ride's fare is 11RMB for the first 3Km - to some, this is not much of a problem given the benefits). That is why sometimes we just have to be patient if their attitudes are...annoying at best...

On one late night, I was walking out of the station and hearing the same calls again...
and suddenly...a thought occurred to me...

Why would they still be doing the same thing over and over again? For something that is not really worth the effort?

And the answer was...

Because they do not know how else to live...

Ever imagined the life of an addict? He honestly tried to get out of his addiction. He knew it was wrong...he kept telling himself to stop...to no avail. Time went by and he decided that this was the only way of living...and so, the courageous endeavors...halted...

My dad's friend still goes out to his store selling textile materials in his golden years. He is practically financing his business out of his pocket since it does not make money anymore. He is not willing to stop because he does not want to retire with the assumption of being inactive and getting sick because of that - and so the medication cost could be higher...He has decided that this is the only way of living...

Do you know how to live your life?
Better still...do you know how else to live your life?

The way you live determines the state of your life...

Are we like those tricycle drivers who repeat the same routines every day with abysmal results? Shall we blame circumstances and others when we want progress without change?
(oh by the way, I am not implying that I am supporting Obama)

As business school graduates, we are taught to believe that firms buckle under competitive pressures if they do not change...I certainly think that this is applicable to life in general too...

Do you want to stay the same?
Do you want to increase to another level in life?
Are you content living in the same old rut?
Are you seeking fresh breath of life?

However, I acknowledge that it might take more than just "knowing how" to change...

And therefore I shall hear the calls again...

来朋友，想去哪里?

I am so tempted to answer...

送我回家吧...我天父的家...

Always defeat yourself - then there is no battle you could not win

To Have or Not To Have...that is the question...

I was just back from a weekend trip. It was fun...two days of rides, hikes, mountains, waters...laughing friends, painful butts...

One of us lost his mobile phone. Exactly when and how it was lost...was unknown. What was known to us that he was sad and it affected our moods as well...though only for a while before we were back into the cheers...

But this made me rethink about some of the life's great questions:

What is the point of "owning" if somehow we end up "losing"...
Do we ever actually own anything?...

Even this life we are living...does it really belong to us? For one day it would be gone...

In my previous entry - even the hopes that I had, were taken away...

Oh I love this term - the defense mechanism of the soul

And once again the "mechanism" kicks in to postulate a theory - will it not be better to have nothing and hence lose nothing, rather than to have something and worry over losing that thing?

Once upon a time there was a beggar who lived in peace...
He had "nothing", his roof was the sky above, his bed was the pasture below. His lights were the sun and stars, his furnitures were the tree trunks and river banks rocks. His beverage was the mountain spring, his bathroom was the great lakes and waterfalls (though he did not need them that often).
One day he found a stash of gold coins and immediately his life was changed...
For better? You judge it yourselves...

Instead of enjoying the breathtaking beauty of nature, he was captivated by the glitter...
Instead of listening to the singing birds, the clanging metals...
Instead of smelling and feeling the sweet soft lilies, the cold hard coins...
Instead of drifting in deep sleep and refreshed, the strenuous wake...
For he was worried that thieves would come and steal his newly found "treasure"...
Or...was it really a "treasure"?...

Was it really a treasure if he could not see the real beauty?
Was it really a treasure if he could not hear the real symphony?
Was it really a treasure if he could not smell and feel the real warmth?
Was it really a treasure if he could not sleep the real rest?

After a while, word got to a band of mountain thieves who then succeeded in wrenching the gold from him...
He was most definitely sad...shed a lot of tears...got tired and...fell asleep...
A sleep that he had not had for a long time...
He woke up the next day, finding himself on the river banks, listening to the symphony of chirping birds and flowing water, feeling the warmth of sun, smelling the scent of the morning dew...refreshed...as if he was given a new lease of life...

Oh then he realized...those thieves had done him a great favor that he could never think of...

Sigh...

Are we like that beggar? Do we need someone to do us a favor by "wrenching what we supposedly have", in order to experience the real life? Do we need something to be taken out of our lives, in order to understand that there is no such thing as "having"?

A wise man once said, "We are possessors of nothing but stewards of everything"

When one thing is bestowed, it means stewardship period starts...
When one thing is taken away, it means stewardship period ends...
We shall complicate matters when our hearts are attached to the things we are supposed to manage...
Unless we manage to attach our hearts to the Ultimate Giver and Taker...
Who takes away good things from us, in order to bestow great things to us...

Dedicated to all of us who have felt the pain of losing...

In the midst of nothingness...let me be something for You...

Until The Last Moment

Sigh...

Have you ever felt a moment when hope was offered before you...and the next thing you knew...it was taken away from you...

Like vapour...transient...it was gone even before you fully understood what you were hoping for...

Worse still, in the span of this lifetime...I bet it would not happen only once...

Is someone trying to play games with our hearts?
Is someone having fun by giving and dashing the hopes harboured in our hearts?

I do not comprehend...I do not understand...
Neither do I see...nor do I realize...
The purpose of going through this painful experiences...

And so, the defense mechanism of the soul is activated...
Every time this happens...we become more and more skeptical...

Only for one intention...to avoid disappointments...

We're afraid to hope...we numb our feelings...
We're reluctant to cope...with the scars of our longings...

Not even a thousand sighs...are enough to ease the pain...

Yet...

In my heart of hearts...this have I found...that...

The hope is greater than the fear of hoping...
The feeling is deeper than the fear of feeling...
And those who dread dreams...are those who are alive but dead...

Argh...

My bones are burning with all these fiery contradictions...
My soul is weary with all these heavy contemplations...

Finally, I could only tell myself (and whoever reads this entry)...
Keep on hoping...
Keep on feeling...
Keep on...seeking...
No matter what the cost...
For that is what life is about...

I shalt put mine hope in Thee...even Until The Last Moment...

Boring...

It has been a while since I put the word "Boring" on my MSN status...

And suddenly, a friend of mine gave me this disturbing yet amusing song...

Saturday Night...
We look alright...
We're going out...
Boring...

Paris, France...
Londontown...
NYC...
Boring...

Nothing thrills us anymore...
No one kills us anymore...
Life is such a chore...
When it's...
Boring...

Sexy boy...
Girl on girl...
Menage a trois...
Boring...

Marijuana...
Cocaine...
Heroin...
Boring...

Galliano...
Donatella...
Dolce & Gabbana...
Boring...

Caviar...
Escargot...
Dom Perignon...
Boring...

Love of my life...
Bear your child...
Everything I've ever wanted...
Boring...

Oh by the way, French word “menage a trois” means threesome...

About forty days ago, I met j s in land of the lion. I asked how he's been doing as both a husband and future father. He replied "Life has many dimensions...it depends on which dimension you live in... There are parallel dimensions in the universe..."

I cut him in and said "...and all dimensions gravitate towards the black hole...center of nothingness...and hence everything is vanity..." He agreed excitedly.

However, I added another remark, "and so He died in vain..."

He then uttered a few nonsense... Yet, both of us knew the contradiction between our statements and the work of the cross...

Why is it called “Good Friday”? What is so good about it? Was this a day when stockmarket rebounded and broke 52 year high? And what about the other Fridays?

What is so special about this particular Friday?...

It was the day when the sun hid its face for three hours (a solar eclipse would only last in minutes)...

It was the day when the earth shook and trembled in terror (a stockmarket crash would not create earthquakes)...

It was the day when a loving relationship was broken...for the first time in eternity...

All these...for what???...

For the singer of the song above…
For countless of people who’d rather die than live…
For j s…
For me…

To know that a single drop of His blood…could make a difference…

Between emptiness and fullness…
Between meaninglessness and meaningfulness…
Between nothingness and completeness…
Between insignificance and grandness...

Sigh...

I came that you may have and enjoy life and have it in abundance...
-Yeshua Ha'mashiach

It Matters Not...

Walk with Him..
Walk until it matters not anymore where you are...
Heaven or Hell...Life or Beyond...

As long as He is around...
Guiding with invisible hand...

He walks before you...
Behind you...Beside you...
Even sometimes carries you...

Through the roads less travelled...
The struggling paths...
The narrow gates...
The rocky mountains...

Through the darkest nights...
The brightest days...
Through the peaks and chasms...
The wilderness...

You may see horrible things along the way...
But you can always find comfort in His hand...
Until you are convinced that nothing and no one...
Neither in Heaven nor on Earth...
Can take your heart away from Him...

Sigh...

Like a dog...fixing his eyes on his master...
So do I...fixing my eyes on You...my Master...

Faith - Sophie's World

I love this book...

A novel that summarizes a 3000 years history of philosophy - Socrates, Plato, Descartes, Hume, Kant, Kierkegaard...even Karl Marx and Charles Darwin are there too.

But this time my writing is not about promoting this book...it's because I have something to ponder out of reading it...

The supposedly main characters were Sophie and Alberto Knox. Sophie was a fourteen-turning-fifteen year old girl (if you read the book, you would understand why I mentioned both ages) and Alberto was her philosophy teacher. Interestingly, their stories were written by a Major in UN Peacekeeping troop named Albert Knag as a 15th birthday gift to his daughter named Hilde.

There was one dialog between Alberto and Sophie that caught my attention:

“Sophie, either you are living in a wondrous universe on a tiny planet in
one of many hundred billion galaxies— or else you are the result of a few
electromagnetic impulses in the major’s mind. And you are talking about
grades! You ought to be ashamed of yourself!”

Now there comes the confusion...who are the real main characters?
Sophie and Alberto? Or Hilde and Albert The Major?
Or Jostien Gaarder - the writer of the whole book?

Funny isn't it...A character in a book realized that he might be a "creation"...
Also another funny thing is that Mr Gaarder did not make the Major realize that he might also be a "creation"...

Who are we then? Are "we" the result of Someone else's mind?
And that Someone else...is "He" the result of another Someone else's mind?
And so on...

It's like standing between two mirrors...You see your reflection and your reflection sees its reflection...and its reflection...
It's like dreaming of you're dreaming of you're dreaming of....dreaming...
It's like...well...I think you've got the idea...

The faithfuls believe that there has to be Someone Who is the first mover of everything...
The faithless believe that everything is there as it is...as a result of natural process...

The faithfuls counter that nobody in his right mind believes that something could happen without any cause...
The faithless counter that if everything must have its cause...then who or what causes the cause?...

I.e. If God created everything...Who created God?
I.e. If one could believe that God is the "uncreated One" and the Cause of everything...what is stopping people to believe that one thing's existence does not require a cause? Hence, God's existence is not required to explain anything...

The faithless believe not in heaven and hell because death to them is an end to everything that lived before...
The faithfuls believe in heaven and hell and death to them is just another beginning of another kind of life...And those who believe would go to heaven, those who don't would go to hell...

The faithless refuse to have faith in God because it is stupid to do so...
Reason being...it is unreasonable to believe in something or Someone Who cannot be empirically proven and wholly reasoned...

The faithfuls refuse to denounce their faith in God because it is stupid to do so...
Reason being...If God does exist - their reward is heaven and the faithless' reward is hell. Even if God does not exist - nothing is lost...everything ends anyway... So the faithfuls' reward is unlimited bliss and the risk is none, but the faithless' reward is none and the risk is...unlimited terror. This does not sound like a good risk-return model for the faithless...

Still...the debates go on...

I look at the empty tomb...and believe...

Roadway in The Wilderness...

2008...

Another year has passed...

I do not remember what has happened in the last one year...Oh yeah, some vague memories jolted my brain whenever I heard people were talking about certain things, but if you asked me straight...I might stare blankly at you and say...I don't recall...

But hey...magically...as I am struggling to pour out my thoughts here...I suddenly recall a few things that have happened in my life...

And I am grateful...for them...

Somehow, I have learned a lot about being grateful over simple things...like freezing in my apartment although the heater is on full blast...being hungry and forced to scrape for food cause there are no restaurants around my apartment...listening on my mom's rants over the phone...being together with friends who never fill the void of my heart...etc...

By the way, I just had a gathering with about 30 people and we had a "game" of writing "good things" about someone. And so most people (if not all) wrote that I look "mature"....Not sure if that was a compliment or they just couldn't find a better word for "old"....

Wilderness...that's how I look at my surroundings...Everything is so uncertain and I have no clear idea where I would be...

I do not even know what I really want...

I am even afraid to want...

But finally, I muster up some left over courage...and list my wishes for 2008...

May the Master open my eyes...to see a Roadway...in The Wilderness...

I will not, I will not, I will not leave you nor forsake you...